Mulan in Wenderland

I miss you.. 18th day..

2010-10-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

Hi baby! How's your day? I had some headache this afternoon due to the scorching heat. Nevertheless, I still managed to change the design of your gift. Well, you don't have to guess what... It's not belt, not shirt, not anything for you to put on body. Hee hee. It only cost me one-third of my salary. I hope you will love it and treasure it as I have saved for a long time to get this for you.

I went to watch a lame show just now with friend. Actually I want to watch the 陈真 movie by Donnie yen with you. When can we?

Anyway baby, don't forget our date this tues ok. I finish work at 230.

Haiz, I really wish you could stay the night with me on 9th oct! You will know why when all my secrets reveal. ;(

Love
Yourbaby

Sent from my iPhone

I miss you.. 11th day

2010-09-24T18:35:00.000+08:00

Darling I'm extremely happy to see you today.

Love
Your baby

Sent from my iPhone

2010-01-26T23:10:00.001+08:00

Life is more hectic now. Being a new teacher in school, I am tied down with 4o periods each week, one of the highest among the teachers in school.
Colleagues sent me their condolences  while HoDs show their concern over me by ensuring that I am coping well now and then.

As much as I enjoy doing what I am doing now, I think it's so hard for me to detach myself totally from work once I step out of school. Ed has been telling me to unwind and relax but I think it's hard as I am a born workaholic.



Sent from my iPhone

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2009-12-29T20:21:00.005+08:00

Singapore education system evolves around the premise that every student has unique aptitudes and interests. It adopts a flexible approach to allow students to develop their potential to the fullest.

Yes, there are people who criticise that the system is rigid but to those who think that it has failed to teach values to our students, I beg to differ. These people are probably seeing things from one perspective and do not realise that there is no single education system in the world that is flawless and produce the perfect individuals.

The fact that our education system has been recognised at a world-class level speaks a lot. On what basis do critics make their judgment? We have a strong education system. Singapore students aim high and they achieve very good results. We have good schools and capable school leaders and teachers, and facilities which are amongst the best in the world. We are building on these strengths as we prepare the next generation of Singaporeans for the future.

However, in the system, it is no longer the truth that it only focuses on academic results. If this is what you feel, then I see you as a person still living in primitive Singapore. Our future brings tremendous opportunities but it will also bring many changes that are unforeseen today. Not only do our schools and institutions develop the skills of our young, we also give them the chance to develop the character and values that will enable them to continue to do well and to take Singapore forward in this future.

Instead of finding out what schools do to provide students with greater choice to meet their different interests and ways of learning, critics (particularly some of the ignorant civilians) blame the teachers and ultimately the system for producing some of the unsuccessful output. Teachers are not saints. We need to produce a holistically nurtured student with the help of our stakeholders, who are the parents, community, etc. It is a joke when some see 'education' as something which is anchored only by the teaching professionals.

As far as possible, we have integrated programmes that help students to choose what and how they will learn. This has encouraged them to take a greater ownership in their learning. Not only that, CIP, SKM and other non-academic activities have also taken their place in the education system. They are no longer seen as 'extra' initiatives in the curriculum but are incorporated into all subjects wherever possible. It is not about producing 100% all-rounders, but as much as possible, we want to nurture our young with the different skills that they need in the future. Every child is unique, and their learning capacities varied. It will be a tall story if I claim that our education system is flawless and will produce students who understand the 'true meanings of life'.

Similarly, to question that our Singapore education system has failed is simply too narrow-minded a thought.

2009-12-24T20:49:00.000+08:00

I think i owe Mr See a lot o things. If only time can go back, i will try to make things work again.

2009-12-24T18:40:00.000+08:00

I recall in Stephen Chow's Journey to the West movie, Spider Spirit went into Monkey God's heart to ask whether he truely loved her. Back to 'reality', if I were to pry open my heart n ask myself what I really want, I doubt it can answer me.
I just underwent another major turn in life. Many factors were at play and I just wanted to move forward alone, so I made the decision without any deeper thought..
Since i've decided, there should be no turning back for me. I don't even want to think that any happy ending would be for me. I shall work hard for my career. It's my only future now.
I still love him. He who made the stronger me now. I still cry over the broken relationship and I dare to admit. Before my taiwan trip, we met up. I guess it was the trigger to what happened after that. I found my long lost happiness when he was around me but i've lost the courage to tell him how much I still care for him. Silly me. He would never come back.

2009-12-20T09:58:00.002+08:00

This is just one of the many things.
If I caught u scratching the inner side of your ears, digging your nose and disposing the dirty particles from your fingers as you like, you are out of my life. I would think there are a lot more dirty habits which I can't stand. How about cleaning your dusty and untidy bedroom for a start?

2009-12-10T23:32:00.003+08:00

I'm getting a little bit tired. Someone or something is getting onto my nerves.
I enjoy relaxing during this precious December I have every year. Sleep, bridge, shop, read, travel are things I like to do nowadays.
If possible, all other people or things that are irrelevant to me during this period should get out of my sight. Thank you. Give me the time I need.

2009-12-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

Sitting at Delifrance alone, I start to feel cold and lonely now.
I'm waiting to meet my friends at a bbq gathering. This is going to be the last time I'm going to see one of the girls as a single lady. She is getting hitched next month.
I still remember the four of us were close friends after JC and during university. Now as one is getting married, another is going to be a mother soon.
It is quite depressing to know that everyone else is happy except me. I've lost the man who I love after almost 3 years of indulgence in happiness. Since then, all my relationships were unsuccessful, all because I couldn't get myself over him.
Yesterday, a friend asked if I'm scared that I would lose my value of an attractive lady if I were to continue remain single. Hmmm, Yes was my answer. I can't help but to think that my life has made a huge downturn ever since that incident. I don't want to hate him anymore. Maybe I am just not destined to have a true love.
I finally come to realise, after more than a year of unhappiness, I'm actually suffering from depression.

2009-11-29T14:27:00.000+08:00

I love my Superstar Carebear.

2009-11-20T01:05:00.002+08:00

I don't fancy men who add his girlfriend's friends on the facebook. It is annoying. Don't know you very well!

2009-11-14T10:08:00.003+08:00

My yesterday was a nightmare. It lasted almost 1 year and a half. I recalled about 4 months before that fateful day, he said that he wanted to go out and have a fun night with his buddies. He came home slightly drunk, saw me asleep and took my handphone into the shower. He didn't know I was looking, in the dark. I chased after him to the shower room and demanded he returned my handphone to me immediately but he still got the cheek to say he didn't take. It straightaway struck me that he must have sent some sweet messages to me by mistake, which he actually meant for a girl he just met at the club. Afraid that I might look, he took my handphone to the shower and deleted it. When I went on to check his handphone, it was locked, needing a password to access. He never had that.

That night onwards, I sensed a change in him. He was more after fun and sure enough, we broke up in June last year. The reason? He wanted to be alone, but God helped me in discovering that 2 movie tickets and condom in his room. He betrayed my feelings and caused pain in me that lasts till today.

Should I say the relationship then was so stable that he longed for freedom from boredom?

Today, day to day, I am hit by depression. I am finding a space in this world to live.

As time progressed, I witnessed the breaking up of couples. They happened because they had found someone prettier, sexier, and more fun-loving.

My cousin broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years to marry this richer woman shortly after they got together. I didn't attend his wedding or I would puke at the slut bride.

Another cousin of mine filed for a divorce with his wife even though she had already given him 2 beautiful daughters, who were young schooling children already. He prefers a China woman who is able to stroke his ego and suck his money. I cursed and swore at him during Chinese New Year this year. I must be out of my mind.

A friend of mine recently found her husband stuck in the toilet with his handphone for a long time, and sometimes in the middle of the night. Although she has yet to pursue, I anticipate something negative.

True love should never die but it is lust that cause it to fade away. Looking at all these happening around me, I feel myself succumbing to despair.

Not long ago, I saw something fishy. I would wake up in the wee hours to find my brother standing in the living room or outside his bedroom sms-ing. In the day, he would peep to see if my sister-in-law was looking and if not, he would check his handphone for messages. All these were caught by me and he didn't realise what was going on in my mind. No one would. To them, I am just like a zombie at home who couldn't be bothered with what's happening at home. This morning, I hid under my blanket in fear as I listened to their quarrel. He only returned home at dawn just now and tried to explain he was busy with work. As much as I want to believe his words, I can't help but to think men are incorrigible creatures who cannot resist temptations. He didn't give a single sms or call to inform that he would not be back the whole night. I am scared, scared that such a thing is happening to my family, and worse, the culprit is my respected brother. However, he is still a man, a species which I hope to slaughter if I am a slayer. I keep thinking that he had spent the night with the woman, leaving his wife serving and taking care of his daughter at home.

I am breaking apart. Love should bond for a lifetime but lust just tyrannizes over it. Never believe what a man could promise under the sun, by the sea, in front of Jesus, facing the solemnizer. Action can speak louder than words but they are done to demean the woman. Never be taken in by what a man can do to touch your mind, heart and soul (they only want to touch your body).

2009-11-10T20:22:00.002+08:00

Dreams I had last night were still haunting me this morning. I guess they are symbols of my fears in life. Fears which may not even come true.

2009-11-01T21:26:00.002+08:00

I have just finished watching Poseidon on Channel 5. It was such a depressing movie.

Every time I watch a disaster movie or documentary, I will be very emotional and sad, wondering why life is so fragile. Very often, I read about misfortunes that happen around the world. Even though I live in a safe environment, I get very upset when people die. My rich knowledge about my subject has made me even more pessimistic about this world. I am very sure one day, the world will end, probably because we reap what we sow.

Next Thursday, a new movie will be screened. 2012. It is the year that has been speculated by some to be the time when the Earth will die. I still have a lot of things not done. I'm so sad. I dread to see people dying before my eyes. I ought to be strong but if it really happens, I may just go crazy. I have a pessimistic personality so I get depressed easily, but not a single person understands me. One can only reason with me by saying I have a ill temper. That makes me sadder. Will getting a 'better attitude' resolve my depression? I beg to differ.

Recently, I feel I have gained weight. Yet, no one feels that way. I don't like that. I can't help but to think that my health is deteriorating. There are times when I feel a black curtain of despair coming down on my life. I feel irritable all the time with no apparent reason. I have constant feelings of sadness, irritability and sometimes, tension. I am starting to lose interest in doing activities which I used to find fun. Clubbing, shopping and even manicure, seem to occur less frequently because I have no energy for them now. On weekends, I just want to coop up at home and do what, I don't know. Sleep, I guess.

*Yawnz.

2009-10-24T22:53:00.002+08:00

I need a break sometimes. At work, I'm bombarded with questions, from students and colleagues. After work, I'm thrown with questions again. "What are you doing now?", "Have you finished your busy work?", "Done with your marking?", etc. Please, I don't need another supervisor. Effective communication does not involve only question marks. There are full stops too. I'm getting irritated.

This week may be the quietest week for me. The evenings for me have been peaceful, because home is where I found my 'secluded' corner do my necessary reflection. This week marks the beginning of the baby steps I'm taking into my cave. Even though my career gives me energy, it gets drained whenever I meet a leech. It's time to recharge my spiritual batteries, so I'm not going to push myself to perform for the next couple of days, except to write that dreadful work review form.

I'm enjoying the activities that help me reconnect with my spirit tonight. Sleep, dream and reflection. I have spent time restoring your soul today, especially when I have felt edgy or vaguely fearful these days. I must take time out to review the events of the past month and learn from them; this is the time to begin that process. I'm enjoying a gentle pace so I'm avoiding the hustle and bustle of public places. I'm going to turn in early tonight to allow plenty of time for dreaming.

Good night.

2009-10-23T21:28:00.002+08:00

Feeling relieved from the huge marking load, I was simply just glad that Friday is here. I should be excited as I approached the Pizza Hut for what I thought could be a spiritually rewarding dinner, but the tire in me had brought me to a state whereby nothing could bring my enthusiasm to a higher level. I have been there three times this year already and after each visit, I seemed to have subconsciously promised not to go there again. The food was good though I felt sometimes the company matters. However, what really broke my nerves was despite paying a considerable amount, I did not have the pleasure to eat in a cool ambience for the waiters or waitresses were one of the worst we have met.

It was like the straw that breaks the camel's back. He did not bring me a glass of warm water but kept serving teas which were ordered by other customers and who came later than me. To add on, I had someone with me who could not stop his nonsensical questions and claimed he knew everything very arrogantly.
The waiteress wrote the order and assured me that the order would arrive in 20 minutes, just like the last time I visited. Also just like the last time, the food only came more than 20 minutes later. Worse, someone tried to make a mess of my eating experience by asking if I wanted to try this food or that. I had to be very patient and calm. The only way to do it was to keep quiet and I am still trying to achieve my 'all silent' state, similar to how I behaved at home.
All of a sudden he would interrupt my 'private conversation' with my brain cells and try to converse with me in an uninteresting way. To make everything more unpleasant, the bill took about 15 minutes to be settled. They were 'amazing'.
At another table near us, the customer was very dissatisfied with the slow service that he raised his voice at the manager. I watched in shock, not at how the man was blatant in his attitude but how the manager reacted when confronted. He stood in a relaxed manner and his expressions were not apologetic at all.
I left frustrated, angry and very very unhappy.

2009-10-19T21:01:00.002+08:00

I have not updated my blog for so long that I forget at times that I still have this channel to pour my unhappiness to.

I think my world is so dark. When will I ever see daylight again?

I love myself but I don't love her enough that I am willing to refrain from doing something that upset her even further.

I don't know where my future will lead me to. I cannot imagine myself settling down. The more Emo I get, the more I think that is impossible. The only rational thought I have for now is that I must be suffering from depression, again.

My heart still aches. If God is there to listen, He should know what torment I am going through. However, there is something I am more sure. He does not pity me. I am disappointed with myself for landing in this state once again.

Fool. Fooled.

Don't ask me why. Don't force me. Don't push me to the limits. Let me be and I'll be free.

2009-10-13T19:24:00.001+08:00

我已经已经把我伤口化作玫瑰我的泪水已经变成雨水早已轮回我已经已经把对白留成了永远忘了天色究竟是黑是灰
分手伤了谁谁把他变美我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓让你再回味字不醉人人自醉因为回忆总是美
我已经已经把绝情变成了恭维因为不配你就忽然自卑说声失陪我已经已经把沉默变成了忏悔无路可退只能无言以对
分手伤了谁谁把他变美我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓让你在回味字不醉人人自醉因为回忆总是美
分手伤了谁谁把他变美我的眼泪写成了诗已是无所谓让你再回味字不醉人人自醉你的品位总是美

2009-08-23T16:09:00.000+08:00

These 2 days have been rainy. Unsurprisingly, i'm having a flu today. Yet, I'm feeling happy alone in my room, doing my work, even though it's a Sunday. I'm a true, born workaholic. It's been quite a while since I stayed at home to do my work on weekends. It's really an enjoyment, better than shopping and movies. Anything else in my life should come second. My greatest sense of fulfilment comes from my accomplisment in different tasks at work.
Sometimes I'm obliged to satisfy people, so I need to get out from doing things against my wishes. My unique style and character is my most attractive quality. Is there someone who appreciates?
I feel my mind is always working 1 or 2 steps ahead of the rest. I'm not afraid to be myself. No one else is anything like me. The world would be boring if everyone were the same.

2009-07-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

When you think that the retail service in Singapore is good, read this:

Location: Paragon
Brand: Estee Lauder (Metro)
Time: 21:48:33

Mich and I each had a $100 Estee Lauder voucher to be used after the makeover. Seeing that Mich was going to buy a $95 hydration package and mine had a total bill of $112, the sales promoter suggested that we combined the vouchers such that I only had to pay $7 in the end. I even remembered the sales promoter took out the calculator and showed me how this could be done. We were skeptical that vouchers could be combined in 1 receipt but decided to go along since her colleague also assured that this was possible.

Yet, at the cashier, I was told that I must not combine 2 vouchers in 1 receipt and therefore, Mich's $5 balance would be forefeited and I had to pay an additional $12. When I argued that it was the sales promoters who told me otherwise and since they were at fault for giving me the misinformation, they should come forward and explain the situation.

At this moment, a lady came forward and asked me who were those sales promoters. I presumed she was the manager. When I turned back trying to look for those promoters, all of them 'acted blur' and disappeared into the crowd. Damn la.

When I finally got that sales promoter to the cashier, she still got the cheek to tell me that she had never said vouchers could be combined in 1 receipt. When I pointed out that I was really sure she mentioned that and that she even explained everything clearly to me using a calculator, she bloody bitch told me that I had got it all wrong from her, in front of everyone at the cashier, totally out to embarrass me. I got so fed up that I angrily paid the money and left.

Shortly after, when I walked away from the cashier, that promoter came to me and apologised, admitting that it was her fault and gave me a useless mini mascara as a token of apology.

What was the point of saying sorry after she had made me seemed like an unreasonable customer trying to make a scene and cheap thrill from that small amount of money? I wasn't keen in that money which I could save by combining the vouchers. If she could admit earlier that it was her fault, I would gladly accept that and end the transaction. However, why must she lie and to think that I would be easily appeased with that bloody mascara? So did she lie because that person who seemed to be the manager was there?

So much talk about providing quality service in Singapore. If one could not even settle such incident with grace, then Singapore would always be shamed with poor, ugly retail service, lagging behind Hong Kong and Japan.

2009-07-20T21:54:00.002+08:00

My life has a clearer direction now.

I only hope for a good life, especially since the day I decided to let go and accept another.

I want a peaceful relationship and cannot afford to lose yet another good catch.

Haha. You heard me?

2009-07-16T21:48:00.000+08:00

你陪住我 haha

2009-07-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

My close friends will know that I got attached recently. Slightly more than a month ago. Well, not anymore, now that I guess we've broken up. I hate this kind of ending. It only makes me realise that love doesn't exist in me now. I want to break free from this mental disorder, I call this. No thanks to my famous breakup last year.
Why am I into relationships when I've this fear in me? I shouldn't have started it. I made him hate me even more now. I don't want this to happen anymore.
I've every right to live like any typical girl. I need a new direction.

2009-06-23T11:46:00.000+08:00

I deleted the sweet messages he had sent me in more than 2 years, leaving only the apologetic ones, telling me how he wished to be alone and we should break up. They will continue to remind me how a big liar he was, how stupid I was to believe in love and how unreliable men are.
People talk about karma to me, about how I shouldn't treat men badly now. No one knew what I've gone through. Men deserve it, deserve to be dead.

2009-06-23T11:41:00.000+08:00

I think I don't need a boyfriend. Happy alone now. Or, maybe the right one hasn't appeared. I feel good with my frens, not with someone who I cannot communicate at all. I want to discuss things intelligently. Everything that happens on Earth.

2009-06-09T14:00:00.003+08:00

Looking back, I called this one year a truly happening one. One of the greatest upsets I have had in life, the break-up has made me a very different person now. Why did he do the things he did? There is no point pondering upon those now.

Exactly one year ago, we broke up. Exactly one year ago, I was crying. Exactly one year ago, I only had one word in my mind... Why.

Now I'm here, flashing back the memories, not those happy times we had spent together, but those when I grew thinner... and thinner... those when I sat down at a corner of my bedroom, crouching and sobbing non-stop.

I'm happy that I've moved on. I do think of him now and then. Inevitable. Friends of mine should know that he WAS my life then. A big mistake I had made. I regretted being his shadow for more than 2 years.

It was a painful process, to step out of a space I called ours. Now I can't wait to shed all relationships with them. I do not mind keeping the friendships, but trust me, I ain't going to feel any better if we still keep in contact. I had said that I would wait for him to come back. What a joke, how silly. Nothing in this world is eternal. This is something he has taught me. Love can never last forever. I hate him.

I thank God for giving me the strength to move on, the courage to start anew and the guts to be a stronger woman. I thank my family for being supportive, for asking nothing about my broken relationship for fear of stirring my emotions. I thank my friends for being the greatest pals and playmates when I need them.

Gone were the dark days and here comes my new life. I have someone now and he is indeed very good to me. I know he's not gonna like this blog entry, but I'm sure he will understand where I'm coming from. I shall keep my fingers crossed. I just want a peaceful, undisturbed life.

Fate plays jokes on everyone's lives. Just a phase we are going through.

2009-05-28T12:08:00.002+08:00

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

I have found mine. Took me almost a year to realise that hope still exists somewhere in this world. Just so simple, I thought. He is someone who appeared to be mysterious, searching for me high and low. Till we found each other, he is still the one who I feel I could entrust myself to. I thought I would never meet a man who will not turn me off with annoying behaviour and attitude.

"Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves." I think he knows and that's how he won me over. :))

2009-05-21T13:16:00.001+08:00

"Money never made a man happy. Yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one."

2009-05-18T21:36:00.004+08:00

I didn't realise I actually would miss them so much while I was away for course. If I was told in Feb that this were to happen, I would laugh to death.

It is somewhat a sweet feeling. I am just so happy when I see them online, argue childishly over trivial issues... it brings a smile on my face. I can talk to them about anything under the sun, from 'gossiping' about this particular person to discussing why girls are more vain than boys. Although it seems unadvisable for me as a teacher to do that but I think I have juggled the teacher-student divide well. What's more important is, I'm able to teach and engage the students in class.

They never fail to brighten up my mood. There was once I tried to be really serious in conducting a revision lesson as the mid year exam was just round the corner. I was getting a little hot tempered when the class started to get slightly noisy. I drew 3 diagrams on the board to signify 3 cartoon spaces and I guessed my art really sucked such that Bryan asked me why I drew Spongebob on the board. Oh well, the stern look which I tried to sustain throughout the lesson finally broke into a laughter. The students laughed with me, knowing that they had succeeded in cheering me up.

My heart melted when Yono apologised to me after the paper. He said sorry if he should disappoint me this time. Oh well why should I when he is always one of those who works extra hard?Although I know some of them would not do well for my subjects this time round, I dun seem to feel angry (but maybe more of disappointment). I know all of them have put in their effort.

Last night, they told me that I am a "nice" teacher. A simple adjective like this reflects a lot. It's heartwarming to know that they are touched that I always put them in one of my top priorities. I feel appreciated. They understand that being a teacher is not easy. Tears rolled when they told me that I make a difference to them and they thanked me for my patience. They said that I have done well as their teacher, although they could be too young to assess that. They were simply saying that from the basis of whether they understood and enjoyed my lesson or not. With their encouragement, I feel I have not wasted my time on them. In fact, I have found a meaning in them.

2009-05-18T08:39:00.000+08:00

My list o dates keep increasing, but there are people being crossed out once in a while. I'm not seeking a relationship, but a companionship to kill time, unless this person is able to touch my heart, which I doubt it will be an easy task. If i'm not happy when I'm with you, then there's no point in keeping contact. Once you are out, you Are out. I guess my tolerance level has increased, but if you are able to beat that threshold again and again, then I salute you for being so irritably persistent.

2009-05-17T08:59:00.000+08:00

It's impossible between both of us. Dun look me up again. We are Juz like the like poles of 2 magnets. We don't attract. You know it, y waste time?

2009-05-15T13:50:00.001+08:00

I felt lost. It's like something precious has been taken away from me. How should I put it such that I'll be able to express myself effectively? Would you believe that it's the first time I am taking things so personally. I can't believe that it's happening to me.
Everything has changed now. I can't explain the reason behind this change. Can I relive my dream? For that special group of people, I've spent countless hours teach, teach and re-teach, just to make sure they understood. I know my opportunities will come again but I don't seem to feel I'll be as committed and enthusiastic by the time they arrive.
I like the way they ask me questions. I like the way they are so concerned w their studies. I like the way we hit off so fast. Maybe all started when I saw them last year. They seem to have this unexplanable spirit in them that causes me to have the urge to protect, guide and educate them.

Sad.

Miserable.

Defeated.

WHY MUST YOU TAKE 3E1 AWAY FROM ME? THEY ARE MINE!!! BLOODY HELL. RETURN ME MY CLASS. THOSE HORRIBLE CLASSES. DUN GIVE ME THE DAMN EXCUSE THAT THEY NEED ME TO IMPROVE! WHAT THE HELL!!!

2009-05-05T19:17:00.000+08:00

My fearsome aura of professionalism subsides when he appeared. He sat down near to me, flashing back a smile at me when I did so. That was it. I continued with what I was supposed to be doing.
These short periods of gleam happen almost everyday. His innocent charm caught me, be it on a personal or work level. Oh, what the hell has happened..
To think that I only have less than 2 years of time left, sadness struck. To imagine that this time could be left with just 3 days, depression sinks in. Haha.
I got to do something.

2009-05-04T20:34:00.002+08:00

I opened the door and saw him lying face down on the floor. If it were to happen in the past, I would hurry to help him up, ensuring that he be lying comfortably on the bed.

Now I looked at him coldly, having second thoughts on whether I should keep him by my side. So there he laid, for 2 hours, before I finally carried him onto the bed. He could have been dead by now. Now as I am blogging, he is next to me. He hasn't changed after 2 years. He is still holding that heart for me, but what's left seems to be an empty promise. His soiled clothing signifies the past we shared, stained.

I could foresee the day I will let go of him. Would he forgive me? Maybe.

It's time to get a new teddy bear.

I really want a Smurf.

2009-05-04T15:29:00.000+08:00

One who has brought hurt upon others doesn't deserve to be spared from misery. He has no privilege of rights in pointing his fingers at others n calling them sickos. U yourself is the biggest ultimate sicko i've known.

2009-04-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

In my dreams, we saw each other in a place that had unexpectedly brought us together. Sounds dramatic but dreams are meant to be like that.

Surprisingly, I was concerned that he actually was not over me yet. That feeling was back, the feeling of love. The hatred I have for him in real life seemed to have disappeared at that instant. It's been a long time since I woke up, thinking about the dream I had a second ago.

Was that a reflection of my subconscious state? I realised the sadness in me is still around, deliberately hidden in a corner of my heart, never wanted to be found.

I know, I will never be happy again. Happiness has many different facets. Happy, cheerful, contented, delighted, ecstatic, elated, glad, joyful, joyous, jubilant, perky, pleased, thrilled. That superlative, was long over.

Depressed, discouraged, dissatisfied, miserable, painful, sad, sorrowful, unhappy.

I'm trying to read my emotions like an open book every day, but in vain. A few days ago, I was looking at my blog entries for the past 2 years. No courage to read at all. It's really hard to forgive him, when I had foolishly made my life revolved around him, like an idiot. I deleted all entries with his name in them, determinedly.

Busy as usual, I found myself drowned in the world of an educator. The dream I had last night sank in during the quiet moments I had by myself.

Are you reading this? How I wish one day you would come back and ask for my forgiveness. That would give me a chance to really cry my heart out. To be unhappy and yet unable to express myself truthfully was heartbreaking.

2009-04-26T07:50:00.000+08:00

I was, in fact, so perfect that i wondered if the wild in me had only been an act to attract him.

2009-04-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

After he broke off w me, i lost any semblance of emotional control. I would find myself sobbing when a certain song came on e radio n 've to make up excuses to pple. I was swimming in tar, when e rest of the world, including him, had so seamlessly moved on.

2009-04-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

"I would rather trust a woman's instinct then a man's reason."

2009-04-25T09:08:00.000+08:00

I hope u die early.

2009-04-24T20:55:00.003+08:00

I don't think my mastery of the subject is not there. I felt I was judged in that way because she and I had different approaches in teaching the topic. I had put in effort and I am sure the students enjoyed my teaching, although they appeared very quiet in class (this is their nature). I am disappointed that I might have been assessed based on her desired pedagogy and also as a basis for comparison. Nevertheless, I must admit I have the love for Geography and it may reflect on me as someone who could excel better in it. I would definitely work extra harder to prove myself in SS.

2009-04-16T22:38:00.001+08:00

Love stories... a portrayal of the unreal.

2009-04-09T16:16:00.001+08:00

Men's greatest weakness? Lust.

I have been seeing too many men who are just after sex. I despise them.

They create a bad name for all men. I hate them all.

Leave me alone.

2009-04-01T22:12:00.003+08:00

He came today. They chatted a little. I'm still observing. Looking out for ulterior motives. Could it be true of what I said to Neil today... "By the time I finish scrutinizing, he would be gone..."

Haha, whatever. I dun stand to lose anything, never again.

2009-03-23T20:43:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling so sick now. It's been 2 hours since I'm back home but I still feel tired. I have been sick since yesterday, beginning with a flu and a sore throat. Now my body is aching all over and guess it's the symptom of fever?

Today has been a true, blue Monday. It's the first day of Term 2. The March holidays passed by quickly and I wondered whether I had any break at all. The students should be grateful to their teachers for working so hard.

Giving back the test papers to the students today was a fun thing to do, as I got to see their different kinds of expressions as they received them. Some did quite well, while others need to put in more effort and strive for a more satisfactory result in the mid-year examinations. I didn't want to scold those students who did badly, as I believe in motivation. However, if they persist with poor results, I'd roar!

2009-03-22T16:40:00.001+08:00

What if, only what if, I were to declare the end of my singlehood... would that be the beginning of a disaster again...

2009-03-21T18:57:00.000+08:00

Feel like digging a hole, scream into it before jumping in, drowning myself..

2009-03-21T10:47:00.001+08:00

I'm an independent woman!

I feel loved but is that a pretence?

It's better that I depend on myself.

I wont let myself fall down again.

All men suck.

2009-03-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

I don't like people to tell me whether the things that I have done are good or bad, especially if the words come from men.

2009-03-15T04:17:00.002+08:00

4 years ago, I was close to a man, as close as a couple, but never a couple. I ended the relationship with him almost immediately when a mutual friend told us that he went around telling people that I couldnt let go of him, implying that I was a loose woman. Worse, he already had a girlfriend then, and I didnt know about it. Since then, I deleted his number and blocked him from MSN. We had an agrument over the phone over this matter and he was 'confused' why I accused him of that.

4 year later, he's back. It all started from a sms. Then I thought since it has been 4 years, he has probably matured. I unblocked him from MSN.

Today he asked me out. He has become richer, and maybe that's why he is so confident of winning me over again. Looks like his business is doing great. Love his BMW.

Too bad, his character has not changed a bit. Still spoke to me in a manner as if I was flirting with him, still so touchy-feely. He calls me his darling. I was unfazed. After the movie, I saw that band on his finger. Guess he has married the girlfriend of that time. In my heart, I couldnt be bothered. Just another jerk. I didnt expose him immediately. I observed him. He treated me as if I was still the gullible girl of 4 years ago. Maybe, maybe he just likes to wear that ring on that finger, but I really doubt so.

I'm indifferent, but for that short period of 5 hours, I was a 3rd party in a relationship. That feeling was familiar but weird. I really shouldnt be one. I'll play the game with him and I'm confident that I'll have the last laugh. Bring it on, idiot.

2009-03-08T10:25:00.001+08:00

I'm supposed to go for my photoshoot today and should have slept early last night, but I didn't! Gone is my beauty sleep. I slept at nearly 4am, as I rushed thru my lesson plans. Rushing doesn't mean slipshod work, it simply means producing quality stuff in the shortest possible time. :-)

Just when I was deep in my sleep, I received a phone call from a friend, at 6am! He said he didnt know why he called me, as the thought of hearing my voice made him call at that hour. I could have been angry and scream at him, but I was too tired to do so. He went on blaBBerING about how he likes talking to me, when he could date me, blah blah blah. Considering that it was not even 6.30am, I've every reason to conclude that he was drunk. Even though he told me that he was out for morning jog, I don't believe. Haha, because he suddenly went silent and no response on the other side of the phone. He must have fallen asleep on his car or killed by someone.

Men are idiots.

Hmmm, 3 days since we saw each other.. I miss him. He's different, at least he doesn't call me at stupid times. Maybe I'll see him today?

2009-03-06T20:46:00.002+08:00

I believe in falling in love once again, if he feels the same too.

Today I had a really bad, bad day. Such a fool I am, to end up in this school. The price I'm paying now is hours of disciplining and other useless activities.

So everyday the story goes, in my heart, I curse and swear at every lesson. I stormed out of class almost everytime. I could not let go of the high expectations I have, not of the students, but of myself. I take every possible step to make sure they take something with them from my lesson. What an ancient thinking. Yet, I must choose to let go of this unhappiness. I'm learning and trying now. I want to be a relaxed teacher (dream on)! I painted such a good picture of my future but as the months pass by, I realise I am losing grip of my aspirations slowly, from love to career. I am a strong-willed person since young. I put lots of effort into things I want to do. The problem is, when they fail, I fall heavily. However, I climb up fast too.

There are people who tell me students are always like this, blah blah blah. If he or she is not a teacher, the understanding of how it feels to be one will never be achieved. This person may have many encounters with teenagers, but to handle them academically and also on a personal level, is not easy.

Anyway, although I'm scared, I'm scared of what are to come in a few months' time, I still want to be what I am now.

2009-03-01T20:59:00.002+08:00

I have always wanted to do 2 things. They have been on my mind these weeks. I made both happened today. Felt at ease with myself now.

First thing, I took out his pic from my wallet today. Cut into half. Slashed his face multiple times.

Second thing, I a**** h** o**. H* a*****! Well, things could change on that day, who knows, right...

2009-02-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since I return to school. Those students are as naughty as ever. Life is back to stagnant state. Somehow I think of him now and then but.. I don't have the courage to even sms him. It's probably because I know teachers are busy people, so I shall just keep everything to myself.
A day has passed again. Nothing changed much. Life still went on as per normal. I blew my temper at them today for talking too much in the relief teacher's class. Can't trust them to do work silently. Now they complained to other teachers that I am too fierce. I wonder if that's a good sign. It's not my problem, right? I'm just disciplining them, for forgetting my ground rules n showing disrespect to another teacher..
I came into this school with much enthusiasm, but this feeling is dying slowly. I've not much time for teaching everyday because I spend so much time on their discipline issues. Stressed. When could I leave the stress behind and move on..?
This is my life.

2009-02-21T19:54:00.002+08:00

Wow, I couldn't believe that I played mahjong with 5 people for 10 hours last night. Yes, 5 people. We took turns to play and I switched to be partners with SL in the end. Winning and losing and winning and finally lost $2, I totally enjoyed myself. SL was really cute as he, as usual said the funniest things as we played, and caused me to lose my glam when laughing. :PP Shall we have more 0f such sessions in the future?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What if things were to go back to half year ago, what would I do to change the history?

The days in NIE just ended yesterday. Happy times pass quickly. I believe.

We started off as strangers and everyday was just about school and home in the beginning. I don't remember when we began to be good friends. We laughed together, we ate together and we gossiped together. Those times were good.

What if things were to go back to half year ago, what would I do to change the history?

Nothing.

It was a learning process with every step I took. Even though I made a few mistakes, I was glad that each time, I gained something insightful at the end of the day.

I don't want to lose the friendship. Even though we will not be with each other if things go wrong again, the care and concern for one another will still exist in the virtual world. I am sad to say goodbye to them as classmates. When my heart was broken, it was them who stayed with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of that, speaking of my lousy failure in my last relationship, I thought it would take me a long time or forever to find someone who will make me laugh and miss again. Then he appeared in my life. He was there all along, as a friend. I don't recall when I started to have that kind of feeling... unexplanable. However, someone who could make me think of him now and then, and make me have the urge to sms him, must be very different. I must be stupid to have this kind of feeling for a man, especially when I hate men so much. Haha, many people have come into my life after my breakup, with gifts and flowers. I felt almost nothing, not even for that lousy and disgusting doctor. Yet, I choose to set my eyes on someone like him.

On the other hand, I am scared. I am scared that the history would repeat itself. I am scared of rejections. Life is practical and realistic. I think I just have to continue living in my dreams of him telling me that he likes me too. I will be sad, so I rather let things remain the way they are now. I have no guts, you may say that. Many a times, I showed him that I cared. However, I don't know whether he is that sensitive to think that I am having a change of attitude towards him.

Nevertheless, I wish them all well for the practicum and I look forward to seeing them in 10 weeks' time. :))

2009-02-18T21:34:00.005+08:00

I am so excited when I know that Pink Panther II is going to be shown in the theatres this week. I wonder if any of my friends would be free to watch with me. Trying my luck, I wrote a short message on my Facebook hoping that anyone free could watch with me. True enough, a friend sms me soon after I posted that. The power of technology. However, I didnt expect anyone that lame to reply on my Facebook that he's free. SMS is faster, isn't it? Please, know how to switch from tool to tool. A message I posted online is like a 'mass sms', as I couldn't be sending SMS to everyone on my phone list asking if anyone's free to watch the movie with me.

2009-02-08T02:22:00.000+08:00

B4 I fall asleep,
B4 I close the chapter of my birthday,
B4 work starts to get busy,
B4 i get pissed for being older
I thank all my friends who cele for me this year.
All d best 2 u in 2009

2009-01-22T11:30:00.000+08:00

How many people actually care about the environment in which they live in? Will u rather wait for the cleaner to clear all the rubbish for you and wake up to a sparkling clean neighbourhood in e morning, or make an effort to ensure at least the block you stay is free from litter?
Last night, as I was about to enter the lift after a lady, she suddenly stopped in her steps. That irritated me, as I nearly knocked into her and she was blocking the entrance!
However, what I saw really was impressive. This lady, both hands carrying things of what I guessed were Cny decorations, actually picked up a dirty, Wet plastic bag on the floor and threw it into the bin. Despite the difficulty she had while bending down, she seemed happy that the rubbish was cleared. A small act, one which anyone could easily dismiss, is one good example of how we should keep our environment green. She could also be thinking that wet plastic bag posed a danger of causing an elderly to slip at the mini slope of the lift. Whatever the reason, this lady certainly has done something no one could do at that time. I'm an advocate of having clean surroundings, but at that moment, I was just too tired to do anything and most importantly, I didnt want to get my hands dirty.
Everyone has a part to play in the society, but please don't say you work to contribute to our economy, because you are lying. Let's live up to the expectations of keeping our country a better place to live in!

2009-01-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

I've been v busy lately. So busy that I start to wonder why the vast contrast between this and last semester? However, the stress I'm undergoing is definitely chicken feet compared to what I went through in marketing.
Hey, you can do it.. Although some assignments suck like hell, but with a little more effort to go, you will score to kill.
Stress management skills, what do I have? I don't know. Maybe some timeout for myself when I suffer from mental block? I bitch about men, whenever they irritate me. I treat it as a hobby, a timeout programme for me. Crushing their ego is what I seek to do, just so they would reflect upon themselves and know that they are not the superior gender and I'm not the princess like lady who will succumb to nonsense.
Who's the victim for today? I don't wish to name him, but he should know.
He always feels he understands me, because he reads my blog (hello!).
He likes to offer me advice when I don't wish to hear any.
He likes to analyse my character, my Feelings. Yet, the analysis is all wrong.
He has low IQ. DumbAsS, I call him. He Dared me to read my fortune, Or rather, feelings. Haha.. It's ok if you dun get me, because I'm just as confused about his nonsense.
He exposed his weak points to me, which made me feel so disgusted.
There's a difference between being a filial son and a mommy's boy. He belongs to the latter.
He keeps reminding me he's old.. Blah blah blah.. I've been telling him that he's not. However, since he's so persistent on this, ok then, YES, YOU ARE OLD.

You have irritated me. Stop giving me nonsense before I really turn nasty on you. So, f*** off.

2009-01-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

Haha.. So much about stingy men on my facebook note, let's write Another one on my blog.
There are a few stalls set up at Nie selling accessories, clothes and snacks recently. I was just at one looking at the wonderful sweets it has, all Japanese products. Another couple was next to us, the man arguing with the poor stall attendant.
Stingy man (SM): (Holding the candy bar in his hand) Why so expensive? 7-eleven only sells at $2.40, why you sell at $2.50?? Can you sell me at $2.40?
Pathetic sales girl (PSG): (SPEECHLESS)

Hey, fuck off man, it's only a 10c difference! Why made the Psg feel so helpless? You are embarrassing yourself in front of your girlfriend!

Stingy men? Stingy men!

2009-01-01T10:58:00.001+08:00

Happy New Year~~!

Don't look back~

Right now, I'm ready to rock!

2008-12-31T09:41:00.002+08:00

I am Closing the door to 2008. I shall freeze all the bad memories and this should allow some good things to filter into 2009. Keep those ugly pictures frozen!

I shall not let my heart bleed again. No one will be able to make me fall flat on my face again. I don't care what they say.

He wants to make things difficult for me, such that I would not be able to pull through. However, he doesn't know the truth. I hate him. I hate him for treating me like this.

P.S.: To the ladies who will party tonight, One word of caution: be sure to keep your alcohol intake to a minimum., because garbage men will seize the opportunity to spike your drink, touch you, and bed you. Don't behave like slutty idiots. To the men, I know you want to play naughty tonight, but you simply disgust me. Gross. Get the hell out of this planet. I look down on you.

2009 will be good!

2008-12-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

I know some goon dus are reading my blog recently. They are not my friends, but just some men who I gotta know recently, and I wonder why.

It seems that they drew a lot of false conclusions just from my blog and facebook, whatsoever, saying that I was the victim and he's the bad guy in my Broken relationship. They assumed that I needed people's help to mend the bridge. Worse, they feel I'm the Fragile girl who needs men's protection.

I should be considered lucky that these people are not my friends, because they don't understand me at all. I admit that I am very sad and devastated over what happened, but that doesn't mean I can't live without him.

I don't need dumb men to tell me what to do, as I am more sane than you. Don't think I'll fancy you if you treat me like a little woman. In your sweet dreams, maybe. Look at yourself in your poo's reflection, if it's that polished looking at all.

Don't even bother flaunting your knowledge to me, and don't blame me if I behave like a bitch and thrash your ego with my foot, plus a spit. You are one dumb ass, with no intelligence.

I'm looking at just one person to bring me happiness in life. I know he will be back some day for me.

PS; I'M NOT referring to anyone in particular, but all sticky men who can't stop giving me nonsense everyday. We can only be friends, at most. Cheers.

2008-11-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

生意！祝贺 Happy birthday, may you b cutez always! You r gonna receive from me, 《掌控学生守则 108 条》密集！dun worry, be happy! It will bring u success!! 哇哈哈。

2008-11-01T00:04:00.003+08:00

I really love interacting with children.. makes me wonder why they think and behave in certain ways.
Today an encounter with my 7-year old nephew left me thinking. We were at a restaurant just now for dinner. My sister-in-law ordered something which came in a hot plate, a sizzling hot plate. Curiosity probably caused my nephew to touch the plate and YEs! He got burnt. Well, it was just a quick touch as his reflex reacted immediately. Knowing that my nephew has a cheery nature and hardly cries, we just laughed it away by telling him to be careful the next time. He did not cry, and was apparently smiling! However, he could not stop complaining that it was painful. The waiter saw that and quickly took a medicated cream and applied it onto my nephew's finger. What happened next made me felt somewhat puzzled.
My nephew started crying. He kept complaining it was very painful but I could easily tell from his face it was all drama. The more my sis-in-law sayanged him, the louder he cried. I think he was enjoying the attention that he was receiving. He started to cry non-stop. I didn't bother until the crying got so much louder that I had to switch to my Teacher mode and shouted at him to stop crying and eat his dinner. "What do you want?!" I asked him that.
Why do children like him behave in that way? The more you sayang them, the more attention thay want. When my sis-in-law and I eventually ignored him and told him to 'go away' from our table, he stopped crying. Actually, the pain was already gone from his finger. He just wanted some care and concern from adults, since he has always been treated like a strong boy in the family, who never cries when got caned. Ha. Why huh.... Why he so like that? Ha.

2008-10-16T21:19:00.004+08:00

Wow.. haven't been updating anything lately. I hope I didn't lose my readers!

Today was the final day of my Educational Psychological I class. Didn't know that the conclusion of the class could be so relaxing. I had fun doing the acting today. Kinda hooked to drama already. Think I'm eligible for some Star Awards or something... Haha, from a cosmopolitan auntie in ICT video clip to that of Nerdy in Ed Psy class.

Do check out the video clip on my facebook: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1014556493712&subj=1497378165

Project deadlines are slowly coming to an end. After so much group work and looking at how other groups almost fell apart, I realised that cooperative learning is not easy at all. It takes one to have have strong EQ in order to really enjoy the process of working together.
People need to go at different speeds for their work.
Someone may try to take over the group.
Quiet people may not feel comfortable.
Sometimes people just don't get along.
It's not fair.
The time spent talking about irrelevant topics is unbelievable.

Now you see why SongGuang does not believe in group work?
_______________________________________________
People asked me whether there are any new 'developments'... I supposed so. Developments that have no final (satisfying) end-product.

2008-10-01T13:43:00.001+08:00

IS there anyone reading my pathetic blog?

2008-08-02T12:07:00.002+08:00

How many of you are crazy about horoscopes?

I am.
It does not matter whether the source is credible or not, as long as there is a daily horoscope to guide my life, telling me my lucky colours of the day, I will feel relieved and happy.

This is bad.
Depending on what these colours are, I will wear different earrings, eyeshadows or even clothes.

I have included the link to the horoscope website that I visit on this blog. Try it and believe in it!

Also, I have created a new blog. Do drop by. I have contemplated for a while before I really started on it. However, this blog has a theme. Check it out!

2008-07-19T21:50:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my last day working at Si Ling Secondary. The department prepared a surprise for Thevy and I after lessons. A novel lunch. I arrived somewhat sheepishly at the mini hall. I had a blast, and I felt genuinely flattered because my HOD made some interesting comments about my work so far. The day ended happily with a good bye kiss from a colleague..
Upon receiving the letter of posting many months ago, I nitpicked excessively towards the school. When I first reported in the March holidays, the run-down facade of the school made me wondered how long have this school been in this estate. The serenity did not reflect what I was going to experience in the next 4 months.There it was, I mumbled, mustering all the excitement I could find.
To begin my life as a teacher was fun, although I fumbled with lessons initially. They are like a lullaby, making students slumped in their seats but when I finally got the thrill of it, I like to think it was a fleeting moment of satisfaction for myself. I heaved a sigh of relief. It had finally hit me that for a new teacher to assume she couldn't do it for a start was self-defeating.
However, I'm different in terms of trying to grapple with the big questions, the ultimate questions, the ones that won't go away. Be aware of these, lest they cost me a good feedback from the HOD. The first time I blew up, I found my mantra:"When I talk, you don't talk." I could still remember the times when the teachers there shared their aphorism,"If you can handle the students here, you can handle students in any school." It's really a struggle teaching there where many of the students have discipline problems. I had students who snarled and challenged my authority, an oblique threat. Of course, there were students who bolted upright when I scolded them but most of the time, they wouldn't care more. The first time I scolded, the crowd gasped, but that's it. More often than not, they always drowned me out. Sometimes when I tried to shout, I heard only a soft grunt. It felt as if I had a pit in my throat. I had to face different classes using different approaches. When I started to lose control over my Sec 3 class, I often clomped to the classroom, my breath running out by the time I reached level 4. I really defer to some of the teachers' superior knowledge of disciplining. We were not of the same wavelength. Of course I know the evolutionary drill: To produce students with good character, miracles need to be made, and there are students with special needs, genetically designed to be attention deficient (ie subconsciously-- they can't help it), to be taken care of, etc. There were many times when I had to 'sayang' students after I screamed at them in order not to cause indignation after that. 'Sayang' is a demeaning by-product of scolding in this school. This didn't sit well with either my dignity or my intellect. It was so ironic. However, these students may have poor family background. Many have estranged parents so they lack appropriate guidance in their lives. Can you imagine students standing on the ledge? Crazy. I felt myself in a miniseries of GTO.
I had spent my June holidays miserably when my relationship was on the rocks. Normally buoyant, I returned to work in Term 3 with a drawn look on my face. I recalled a couple of times when I fell sick from depression. My voice was raspy, which usually meant I needed to stop for a while. I worked in short bursts, always trying to keep myself occupied with work. However, my life almost gave way under pressure. There were many nights when my eyes got small, and then I cried, my face contorting like a baby who has not figured out how my tear ducts work.
The whole tenor is different now. After 4 months in Si Ling Secondary, the revelation of my passion for teaching kept me going. Now that I'm going to NIE, I hope the whole premise of meeting new people while enjoying studying is heaps of fun.

2008-05-26T08:47:00.002+08:00

My Brother has just set up an online space for the girls to shop for clothes! Would appreciate of you could have a look at it!

http://spring-onions.blogspot.com

Thanks!!

2008-05-22T23:37:00.001+08:00

"What we take, we must replenish.
It's only fair."

2008-05-21T22:08:00.001+08:00

In the sixties, classes "were light on career skills and heavy on personal development". Because of this, today we might think that the above statement was "foolishly naive"

2008-05-20T23:27:00.001+08:00

Recently, I bought a book, Tuesdays with Morrie. I've long heard of this book but never had a chance to read it, or perhaps, I couldn't be bothered then.
This story really caught my attention, with all the beautiful and meaningful quotes. I will cut short with what the story is about and share some interesting paragraphs I've read in my next few entries. You will fall in love with this book. It really helps me see life in a different light. The world is not that profound after all.
I've just read this on the chapter of Death. In this chapter, Morrie was a dying man, on a wheelchair.
"You can go out there, outside, anytime. You can run up and down the block and go crazy. I can't do that. I can't go out. I can't be out there without fear of getting sick. But you know what? I Appreciate that window more than you do. I look out that window everyday. I notice the change in trees, how strong the wind is blowing. It's as if I can see time actually passing through that window pane. Because I know my time is almost done, I am drawn to nature like I'm seeing it for the first time."
How many of us actually have tried to see what Morrie saw? I didn't. I did not see either time or life passing in slow motion outside the window.
Too busy.

2008-04-21T22:00:00.001+08:00

Sexy and beautiful. Hard to discern. Easily scrutinised.

2008-04-06T02:58:00.000+08:00

Zero Tolerance. A term frequently heard these days.
I had tried to decide on some traits of the students that I've no tolerance for, hoping that I could have something to remind them again and again. However, it seems rather impossible. Therefore, forget it. The reasons being me too lenient at times and they are a troupe (of m*****s) too hard to control, so Zero Tolerance is not relevant here. Yet, I've my own way to deal with them.
Today I found something I simply have no tolerance for.
Betrayal. Irresponsibility. Disrespect. Lies.
Zero Tolerance.
0 Tolerance.
I'm serious about this.
I'm not joking.

2008-04-02T22:21:00.001+08:00

Money issues. Sick of them. As the Chinese saying goes, 'it hurts to talk bout money'.
Money issues should not be an issue in the family. It tires me out to see they discuss things like that. The older generation is greedy. It's a joke. Just Shut up..

2008-03-23T17:05:00.001+08:00

袋鼠也有生存的权力！反对无耻的大屠杀！
澳洲政府最近因为计划屠杀400 只袋鼠而受到世界各地的谴责。
虽然政府有考虑将袋鼠转移到别的地区去，可是因为担心会使袋鼠的心理受到创伤而把计划作废。

它视这个行动为"残忍中的慈悲"。然而，国际的焦点似乎都在残酷的那一面。
据报道，这个数目将会危害到袋鼠和当地其它的动物及稀罕的值物的生存。
如果不采取行动，自然生态是会被不良的后果所影响。草原会因为太多袋鼠而供不应求。渐渐的，更多的袋鼠是会被饿死的。
澳洲政府强调，会采取最人道的方式来杀这400只袋鼠。意思就是说会先用镖使袋鼠进入镇静状态，然后再用致命的一针赐予安乐死。
这已经不是澳洲政府第一次下令杀死这么多的袋鼠，单在去年就有三百多万只。
澳洲一向来反对日本船只的捕鲸活动，说明了保护环境的立场。看来这次对杀袋鼠的事件所给的解释似乎显得有点牵强。

2008-03-14T04:19:00.001+08:00

Malaysia's PM warned DAP's Secretary-General that it is not necessary to revoke the existing economic policy, the New Economic Policy (NEP), claiming that by doing so would strain racial harmony (I was thinking whether his judgement is fair). He, to add on, reminded Lim Guan Eng not to marginalize the Malay community (now I supposed this speaks his mind correctly).
NEP, for almost 40 years, has specially looked after the rights and interest of the Malay community. These include having priorities in employment, housing, education, etc. The opposition feels that such policy encourages one to seek private gain, thus, corruption, a common yet bad practice in Malaysia.
Abdullah pointed out that this policy has in fact successfully allowed each and every Malaysian to benefit from it. He questioned DAP on whether any community has suffered deep poverty because of this policy.
At the same time, he reminded the new Penang government not to marginalize the Malay and Indian (did I hear it right, or could he only be just hinting at the former) community, which is of lesser population in Penang.
He questioned Lim Guan Eng on his plans for these 2 communities.
________________________________
Let the truth speaks for itself.
_______________________________
Anyway, I've found something on the web as I was browsing through news on the election. Read this blog (click below), especially the comments that followed, if you have the time for all. Interesting, but please don't take it too seriously. I certainly view some points as means of agitating the people and even stirring up trouble.
http://twiart.blogspot.com/2006/03/55-interesting-facts-about-racism-in.html
________
Nonetheless,
Embrace racial harmony. We are all friends.

2008-03-12T00:18:00.001+08:00

China has a population exceeding 1.3 billion already.

2008-03-06T20:09:00.000+08:00

花，在最漂亮的时候让人赏心悦目。
花，在枯萎的时候却让人心灰意懒。
哎！女人的青春！万般的脆弱！

2008-03-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

Today I saw an article in the papers, that set off this entry.
Not long ago, at our Changi Airport, an angry tourist made a complaint, in fluent English. It turned out that when she was exchanging for foreign currency, the other party gave her what I called a 'speech insult'. Apparantly, the person on duty showed bad manners.
Both parties involved are Chinese. One is from China, and the other, a Singaporean.
Troubles arose when the tourist communicated with the teller in Mandarin, but the latter told her colleague in English,"I don't know what she is talking about!" This seriously hurt the tourist's pride, so this created an unhappy atmosphere. Actually, that staff can speak Mandarin, because when her superior intervened to make peace, she explained her standpoint in Mandarin.
If that staff replied in Mandarin right from the beginning, wouldn't things be peaceful for both parties?
There really is a need for us to review on whether do we subconsciously always think that it's superior to be able to speak English. To add on, why do some of us find it unbearable to listen to a strong Chinese accent? Do we still want to blindly continue having this sense of superiority in language? If the answer is 'yes', then it would be a matter of time that we'll be left behind by the international community. With a population of more than 10 billion, China is moving towards the World, fitting into the international society's economy, and many people from different countries in the world are learning Chinese language. Do we still want to remain ignorant, with no foresight, thinking that the world is centralised in Singapore?
It is unfortunate that we have some of the Singaporean Chinese who are ignorant of China's development. There may be some black sheeps from China who committed crimes in Singapore, but those were only from a small group who brought disgrace to their country. Also, most could only see Chinese nationals as laborers in Singapore. In fact, there are more who are executives, and probably would not take Singapore market seriously. Why are we feeling so complacent of ourselves? I remember that when I was in Hong Kong for business, my (ex) colleagues from other countries were very impressed that I was able to converse in English and Mandarin well. I could still recall how proud I was to hear that. They even thought that Singaporeans could only speak English. I've friends who idolised the West and other countries like Japan. Moreover, they think it's cool. When comes to speaking Mandarin as a laughing stock, few will come to the defense of our mother tongue. This is an unfair attack on China. Our government gives us the opportunity to master 2 languages, it's a pity that some could only succeed in one. It is not cool at all to be bad in Mandarin. In addition, you are my laughing stock if as a Chinese, you know nuts about the Chinese language.
狗不嫌母丑，子不嫌家贫。

Greatest thoughts

2008-03-03T23:26:00.001+08:00

The greatest achievement is being selfless.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not to conform with the world's ways.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not to be concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
最神其的成就是改变暴怒。
最有价值的莫过于克己，自制。
最大的才能就是为众生效力。
最佳的戒律是不停地探索及意识。

Mas Selamat Kastari

2008-03-02T23:06:00.003+08:00

Look out for him!

It's a community effort. It's everyone's responsibility to be alert and call the police immediately if you spot him. Do not act alone!

Social responsibility. Found him familiar? He's short at 1.58m and when running and walking briskly, he has a limp on his left leg.

More sectors of the community are joining in the hunt for fugitive Jemaah Islamiyah leader Mas Selamat Kastari. Are you?
It has been several days and I wonder where he is now. If he is still hiding in the woods, I hope the cold rain will force him to surrender, just like what happened to robbers who escaped from Malaysia and hide on Pulau Tekong many years ago. If he is in safe hands of his JI members, then let's hope not long, they will all be caught in the dragnet. Is Mas Selamat Kastari a master of disguise? Let's all be vigilant on that.

He had planned attacks on some of our landmarks before, I wonder what would happen if things got out of hand and he was not caught? Anyway, I'm not trying to cause any alarm here.

2008-03-02T02:39:00.000+08:00

梦想是拿来追的，不是拿来想的。

2008-02-29T23:59:00.001+08:00

前天我在新闻中看到了一则有关在香港举办的艺术展览的消息。这个艺术展览所展示的作品都和著名品牌，香奈尔(Chanel)，挂勾。
在新闻的其中一幕见到一个用猪皮做出的手提包。摆在旁边的是一个与真的猪一样大小的模型猪。在这之后，两位新闻主播的对白如下：
主播甲：刚才看到手提包旁的一只小猪，真是好可爱。
主播乙：是，但如果手提包的皮革是来自一个濒临绝种的动物，那就不好了。
真没想到受过如此高等教育的主播竟会说出这样没人性的话。
我听到了后，心中既烦躁又有所不解。难道不是濒临绝种的动物就没有生存的机会吗？爱动物之人却不是素食者，这还说的过去吗？我想是对可爱又昂贵的狗、猫和兔，等宠物感兴趣罢了。
提到这里，我不竟会问：人性不是本善的吗？它的定义包含了些什么？
我虽然吃素已久，不过看到了那则新闻后，我忽然有些内疚。因为，我也买了许多真皮搭配物。有种犯罪感。怎么在付钱的时候一点也没想到其动物的痛苦？
若是人类能停止宰杀动物，那么这世界将会因为多了一种仁慈，而更美好。
在这里小小的提醒大家：许多健康问题都是和肉类脱离不了关系。保重。

2008-02-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

I have 2 elder brothers, who have always been there for me.
We are all branches of the same tree. Where one always feels, we know we care a lot for one another. Although we never expressed, never said, our expressions always read.
Now i write those things, which I never dared. I care for my brothers, time spent together has been splendid. Their happiness makes me smile.
When they felt down, I was in a very bad mood too.
When I was lost, they showed me the way.
When I was in trouble, they helped me.
When I was punished, they suffered too.
When I ran, they stood by me.
When I won, they shouted in praise.
When I felt let down, they reached out their hands.
When I went the wrong way, they showed me the light.
When I was sick, they were very troubled.
When there was fun, they counted me in.
When the show started, we criticised together.
When I was misguided, they set me right.
They are the heights I want to reach!

2008-01-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

Life is short.. If we always cling onto grievances, unhappiness or failures, then life will be exhausting.

2008-01-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

Who's interested in coming to my house warming?
My bro bought this bigger flat, corner unit with 4 bedrooms.. Wan us to move in together.
Confirm move house liao.. Heard my room got built-in cupboard from previous owner already.. I dun like.. Wanna tear out.. My bro objects.. Haiz.
I wanna buy new furniture but my bro wan me to use my old ones.. But they already unusable:-( well, at least they fail to reach my classy expectations.
Actually i dun like e idea o moving.. .. I like it here at my house now.. I think marsiling is so inconvenient.. Altho it,s a bigger flat, I cant help to think that it,s an old estate!
Haiz.. Dun say.. 2nd hand flat i dun like.. Sianz la.

2007-12-11T14:04:00.000+08:00

Recently, you could have heard about some nasty news about one of our neighbouring countries.

I shall not say what country is it, for fear of getting myself into trouble. However, I can’t stop myself from blogging this. Let’s call this country, M.

So much for calling itself a multi-racial and cosmopolitan country, M drew unwanted attention when its ‘harmonious’ reputation is at stake. Is it truly Asia when it features the different racial representative on its tourism campaign? I doubt so.

Now the country is under international scrutiny for arresting a group of citizens from its racial minority, for the reason of ‘national stability’. However, I must admit that protests and violence carried out by this minority race will not been deemed as effective if they would want M to give them more citizen rights. M’s leader had said, he would rather sacrifice public freedoms for national stability. This has brought about human rights activists accusation of racial inequality.

As far as I know, M has never lived up to its claim of government transparency. On this issue, M’s leader has made a statement, “We must never take our peace as granted.” Well, maybe that’s not peace; rather, the racial minority has been suffering in silence. Not only do these people been suffering under racial discrimination, they have also been the victims of economic deprivation. M may be thinking that it’s hard to manage a country where different groups of people have different demands and sensitivities, but it’s not a reason for them to only show concern over their own ethnic citizens. Are you aware this ethnic group, which forms more than 60% of M’s population, enjoys great privileges in business, jobs and education? This holds true even if it means that these people can be lazy, idle or sluggish.

The situation M is facing today has drawn unhappiness from the home country (let’s call this country, ID) of the involved racial minority. M’s response was to tell ID off as this is their ‘home affair.’ My reaction then was, did M ever treat these people as their own citizens? What were they thinking when they made the same accusation at us a few years ago? So much for accusing Singapore for our reluctance to allow people from a certain racial group to be appointed as top-notch civil servants, I can’t help but laugh at M’s contradiction.

Perhaps, I should just stop here. M has so many hilarious acts that are just too much to write now.

Perhaps, I will write them in every entry of these 2 months.

Perhaps, I should call this “M’s Side-Splitting Special Report”, a.k.a. MSSR.

2007-11-28T16:13:00.000+08:00

Life has been in a sleeping mode lately. It’s been many years since I force myself to wake up at 6 plus every workday morning. I’ve been reaching office rather promptly for almost a month. The feeling I have is unexplainable. I don’t look forward to work and I simply don’t understand why on earth I chose this path. Maybe I was not in the correct state of mind for the past 2 months. Today I finally realise work IS the same everywhere.

My temper has become rather weird. I tend to keep things to myself more often now. I tend to have more demands from Xian. I cry more often now.

Work is boring, uninteresting, full of challenges (by trying very hard to find things to occupy my time), no sense of achievement and most important of all, no sense of fulfilment and dull.

I have been thinking of leaving since the first day of work, although the doctor said that statistically, people take about 6 weeks to get used to a new job.

In fact, my work can be summarised into 2 nice words: lonely and unexciting.

Everyone seems to be very energetic here, probably because we are doing different tasks.

People may still have the time to go drinking and dancing, but I no longer fancy that kind of life.

The chilli has evolved into a lady’s finger. I have had too much to continue with the old kind of life. Actually, I’m still pondering over how much money I could save if I did not go clubbing every Friday\Saturday for a consecutive 3 years. Yes, and I mean EVERY week. Perhaps, less clubbing could have done me some good on my studies and I would probably be in some high class company. Ha.

I feel good after 6pm.

2007-11-16T14:13:00.000+08:00

Here's e key to success:
We become wat we think about.
Ironically, this is oso e key to failure. If u think in positive terms, u will get positive results n vice versa. Pple r always blaming e circumstances n lives become frustrated. See yourself doing e things u will b doing when u reach ur goal. Believe n succeed.

2007-11-12T15:09:00.001+08:00

BLOG UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
To be open in 7days' time. Pls come again. Thanks!!!

2007-10-05T19:36:00.001+08:00

Not long ago, i discovered my arms 've gained weight. I dunno wat to dò to make it skinny again. Yes, i mean skinny. I tot it was juz my wild imagination so brushed it aside.. Since i still 've a skinny body n big head.
But no.. Today someone made a comment on my arms. It's really turning v flabby. Wat should i dò?! Skinny body n flabby arms?
I'm really turning crazy.

2007-09-27T14:09:00.001+08:00

I need foot massage soon. It's getting cold n stiff. Time is so precious, dun've e 闲情 to bother bout nonsense. Yet, pollution needs to b addressed.
Thanks to Starhub. genius. Looking forward to more action being done, onli whèn i've e free time to dò so. Keep on having ur fun then.

2007-09-27T13:33:00.000+08:00

IP address
218.186.197.145
Hostname
cm145.omega197.maxonline.com.sg
ISP
StarHub Cable Vision LtdSingapore Broadband Access Provider
Country
Singapore

IP address
202.156.21.45
Hostname
cm45.gamma21.maxonline.com.sg
ISP
StarHub Cable Vision LtdSINGAPORE CABLE NETWORK PROVIDER
Country
Singapore

IP address
222.165.20.236
Hostname
cm236.theta20.maxonline.com.sg
ISP
StarHub Cable Vision LtdSingapore Broadband Access Provider
Country
Singapore

2007-09-25T09:32:00.001+08:00

This world is supposed to b wonderful isn't it? People r supposed to love one another, no war, onli peace.
However, the life is not perfect. Craze, greed n jealousy have led to people struggling for power, being selfish for own satisfaction n dò things that hurt otherwise. Rather than pin pointing whose fault this is, it's a better idea to start solving e problems. I see this world will comé to an end, sooner or later.
Everyday, I live in tire. This world sucks, this society needs to b cleansed of certain pple. While i try to treat them like a saint, I couldn't help but being nasty to them sometimes. Soon, I realise by showing them their mistakes yet without them climbing over my head, is an art.
It's difficult to mess w people like me. Bullies get reprimanded by me in front o others, embARasSMENT is e word. Call me whatever u wan, I dun care. I see Karma running after u like a haunt. It thrills me.

2007-09-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

So tired, but not v sleepy. Here i am writing an entry on my bed.. Having my Estee Lauder stress relief eye mask n lanCOme moisture face mask on. It's relaxing. These products help me stay fresh for wk e next morning..
Internally, my mind is running wild w thoughts, pain n excitement.
injured my head recently, without myself having to know how painful it is until these 2 days. E side effects r causing pain.
It gets worse juz to stay cheerful among hypocrites.
Everyday doing e things against my wills.
Everyday dreaming o winning lottery n planning how to spend e 1million.
everyday pondering over y pple my age cant seem to stop playing. Mayb i'm tired o wasted life.
Everyday wish to 've more that 24hr for sleep.

2007-07-28T13:25:00.000+08:00

Over-consumption is the order of the day.

Man is expected to consume more and more.

In fact, a society is often assessed on the basis of its per capita income; the higher its population and consumption, the more developed it is generally regarded.

Some societies produce so much food that the produce would have to be burnt to prop up agricultural prices, while in some other societies people die out of starvation.

The rich who controls the access and consumption of resources use them up very quickly instead of sharing their usage with their less fortunate fellow beings or spreading out the non-replenishable resources such as metals and certain sources of energy are ruthlessly depleted to cater to the material comforts and over-consumption of man.

At the same time, industrial waste hazards and pollution are endangering life and human survival.

The over-emphasis on the materialistic aspect of life also created social problems of crime, suicides, mental illness, drug addiction, and other social tension and dislocation.

2007-07-05T09:44:00.000+08:00

This blog entry might gonna cause an uproar among those concerned, but i dun care.
this blog entry might be a controversial one, but who cares..
Wat dò think o smokers?
They r Stupid to smoke. Esp whèn they start àt an age old enough to think.. IDIOTS who pick up a dirty habit. Idiots make e Wise choice to harm themselves.
Very hard to quit! Yes, pity those who start young... Idiots.. I guess i dò not 've to elaborate on e damaging impacts on e health..
Gangster wannabe?? Mayb.
Social smokers? Weak.
It's great that night life in singapore has become cleaner in terms o air quality. I still rem e times i went home after club w the smell that stinks for hours.
i admire those who quit smoking after being a smoker for yrs.
i look down on those who pick up smoking from nowhere. Mayb they 've their thousand n one reasons, but i really dun understand.
Sorry to those around me who smoke, i've no intention to offend.
As an onlooker, i've seen 2 extreme cases. pple either become v thin or grow fat after start smoking. Good for u if u can still maintain a perfect figure.. But who knows wat isit like inside ur burning organs.
Under peer pressure to smoke, that's e lousy-est excuse i've comé to know, ha. To b honest, it had comé across my mind to try smoking yrs back, but a fren o mine say it's gonna make me look v ugly. I agree. Wat a stupid tot.
Dò u smoke? Stop smoking.
stressed? Then i wonder y there r non-smokers around. It's typical for someone living in this society to feel stressed.
Men who think that they look cool as a smoker? The attitude that u show, holding e cigarette, standing by e dust bin puffing next to e pillar outside ur office building, isn't gonna attract anyone but perhaps, e ugly female smokers too. Yes. The look on smokers S U C Ks...
I know high flyers who r heavy smokers. They earn a lot n 've e money to spend on cigarettes. They probably didnt foresee that more money will b spent in e next half o their life paying for medical bills. Cancer. Congrats.
Pls, dun smoke anymore. Think for urself n ur family.

2007-06-02T11:43:00.000+08:00

This world is practical, i've comé to learn that. Or should i say some pple show their true colours whèn they c money haha.
Yes, as e chinese saying goes, U comé to this world with nothing, n you dun bring anything w you whèn u die. However, we all cant live without money'. That's v true.
As i start to earn money, i really realise that money is v impt. No matter how much money we r earning, as long as it's hard earned, we've e right to decide how we should spend it.
recently, i found that i've more Frens, or there r more pple who had once disappeared from my life Re-Surfaced again. For wat, for money.
comé to know that i'm earning-- not a lot i should say, but enough juz for myself-- these pple tried means n ways to take Advantage o my pocket. All those tricks they applied r kids' talents, i can onli say i'm good àt those whèn i was in my early teens.
These pple r old enough now, some even working already, y resort to such tricks? Here r my encounters. Not to name them, but juz to shame them.
1. Knowing that i'm going hk for biz, this person asked whether i'm being paid more now. Requested to buy gifts from hk for her, not enough, oso for her family. She even chose wat she wan n dun wan. Her sister's bday is coming, n dunno y was i invited. I didnt wanna turn up, but she said nvm, but've to pass her bday gift, cos she was Kind to invite me.
2. I treated this person to lunch b4, and i think she got addicted. Once she asked me out for lunch n whèn i met her, i suggested food court. She's against e idea n wan me to treat her to a nice lunch.
3. THESE PPLE everytime say share share share, but in e end i'm not getting a single cent back. Or perhaps, they should know that nothing is free in this world. I'm not ur sugar mommy. If u are gonna treat me next time, o cos i dun mind.
4. Sales persons comé to look for me once they know i'm working, esp insurance agents. I'm not referring to Kevin, cos i was e one who approached him. I rather give my money to a real fren.
5. If u've e capability to earn n spend on wat u like, by all means boast bout it! Dun get jealous up n down juz cos i get to shop around. In e end, i'm to blame for ur jealousy. Idiot.
anyway, i'm not that sort who hang on to that *** damn money forever. If whoever's got e need, i would definitely help, but to sponsor or control my spending for someone else, that's not out o good will!