Monday, March 23, 2009

I'm feeling so sick now. It's been 2 hours since I'm back home but I still feel tired. I have been sick since yesterday, beginning with a flu and a sore throat. Now my body is aching all over and guess it's the symptom of fever?

Today has been a true, blue Monday. It's the first day of Term 2. The March holidays passed by quickly and I wondered whether I had any break at all. The students should be grateful to their teachers for working so hard.

Giving back the test papers to the students today was a fun thing to do, as I got to see their different kinds of expressions as they received them. Some did quite well, while others need to put in more effort and strive for a more satisfactory result in the mid-year examinations. I didn't want to scold those students who did badly, as I believe in motivation. However, if they persist with poor results, I'd roar!

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:43 PM

Sunday, March 22, 2009

What if, only what if, I were to declare the end of my singlehood... would that be the beginning of a disaster again...

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 4:40 PM

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Feel like digging a hole, scream into it before jumping in, drowning myself..

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 6:57 PM

I'm an independent woman!

I feel loved but is that a pretence?

It's better that I depend on myself.

I wont let myself fall down again.

All men suck.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 10:47 AM

Monday, March 16, 2009

I don't like people to tell me whether the things that I have done are good or bad, especially if the words come from men.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:30 PM

Sunday, March 15, 2009

4 years ago, I was close to a man, as close as a couple, but never a couple. I ended the relationship with him almost immediately when a mutual friend told us that he went around telling people that I couldnt let go of him, implying that I was a loose woman. Worse, he already had a girlfriend then, and I didnt know about it. Since then, I deleted his number and blocked him from MSN. We had an agrument over the phone over this matter and he was 'confused' why I accused him of that.

4 year later, he's back. It all started from a sms. Then I thought since it has been 4 years, he has probably matured. I unblocked him from MSN.

Today he asked me out. He has become richer, and maybe that's why he is so confident of winning me over again. Looks like his business is doing great. Love his BMW.

Too bad, his character has not changed a bit. Still spoke to me in a manner as if I was flirting with him, still so touchy-feely. He calls me his darling. I was unfazed. After the movie, I saw that band on his finger. Guess he has married the girlfriend of that time. In my heart, I couldnt be bothered. Just another jerk. I didnt expose him immediately. I observed him. He treated me as if I was still the gullible girl of 4 years ago. Maybe, maybe he just likes to wear that ring on that finger, but I really doubt so.

I'm indifferent, but for that short period of 5 hours, I was a 3rd party in a relationship. That feeling was familiar but weird. I really shouldnt be one. I'll play the game with him and I'm confident that I'll have the last laugh. Bring it on, idiot.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 4:17 AM

Sunday, March 08, 2009

I'm supposed to go for my photoshoot today and should have slept early last night, but I didn't! Gone is my beauty sleep. I slept at nearly 4am, as I rushed thru my lesson plans. Rushing doesn't mean slipshod work, it simply means producing quality stuff in the shortest possible time. :-)

Just when I was deep in my sleep, I received a phone call from a friend, at 6am! He said he didnt know why he called me, as the thought of hearing my voice made him call at that hour. I could have been angry and scream at him, but I was too tired to do so. He went on blaBBerING about how he likes talking to me, when he could date me, blah blah blah. Considering that it was not even 6.30am, I've every reason to conclude that he was drunk. Even though he told me that he was out for morning jog, I don't believe. Haha, because he suddenly went silent and no response on the other side of the phone. He must have fallen asleep on his car or killed by someone.

Men are idiots.

Hmmm, 3 days since we saw each other.. I miss him. He's different, at least he doesn't call me at stupid times. Maybe I'll see him today?

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 10:25 AM

Friday, March 06, 2009

I believe in falling in love once again, if he feels the same too.

Today I had a really bad, bad day. Such a fool I am, to end up in this school. The price I'm paying now is hours of disciplining and other useless activities.

So everyday the story goes, in my heart, I curse and swear at every lesson. I stormed out of class almost everytime. I could not let go of the high expectations I have, not of the students, but of myself. I take every possible step to make sure they take something with them from my lesson. What an ancient thinking. Yet, I must choose to let go of this unhappiness. I'm learning and trying now. I want to be a relaxed teacher (dream on)! I painted such a good picture of my future but as the months pass by, I realise I am losing grip of my aspirations slowly, from love to career. I am a strong-willed person since young. I put lots of effort into things I want to do. The problem is, when they fail, I fall heavily. However, I climb up fast too.

There are people who tell me students are always like this, blah blah blah. If he or she is not a teacher, the understanding of how it feels to be one will never be achieved. This person may have many encounters with teenagers, but to handle them academically and also on a personal level, is not easy.

Anyway, although I'm scared, I'm scared of what are to come in a few months' time, I still want to be what I am now.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:46 PM

Sunday, March 01, 2009

I have always wanted to do 2 things. They have been on my mind these weeks. I made both happened today. Felt at ease with myself now.

First thing, I took out his pic from my wallet today. Cut into half. Slashed his face multiple times.

Second thing, I a**** h** o**. H* a*****! Well, things could change on that day, who knows, right...