Wednesday, April 29, 2009

In my dreams, we saw each other in a place that had unexpectedly brought us together. Sounds dramatic but dreams are meant to be like that.

Surprisingly, I was concerned that he actually was not over me yet. That feeling was back, the feeling of love. The hatred I have for him in real life seemed to have disappeared at that instant. It's been a long time since I woke up, thinking about the dream I had a second ago.

Was that a reflection of my subconscious state? I realised the sadness in me is still around, deliberately hidden in a corner of my heart, never wanted to be found.

I know, I will never be happy again. Happiness has many different facets. Happy, cheerful, contented, delighted, ecstatic, elated, glad, joyful, joyous, jubilant, perky, pleased, thrilled. That superlative, was long over.

Depressed, discouraged, dissatisfied, miserable, painful, sad, sorrowful, unhappy.

I'm trying to read my emotions like an open book every day, but in vain. A few days ago, I was looking at my blog entries for the past 2 years. No courage to read at all. It's really hard to forgive him, when I had foolishly made my life revolved around him, like an idiot. I deleted all entries with his name in them, determinedly.

Busy as usual, I found myself drowned in the world of an educator. The dream I had last night sank in during the quiet moments I had by myself.

Are you reading this? How I wish one day you would come back and ask for my forgiveness. That would give me a chance to really cry my heart out. To be unhappy and yet unable to express myself truthfully was heartbreaking.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:49 PM

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I was, in fact, so perfect that i wondered if the wild in me had only been an act to attract him.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 7:50 AM

After he broke off w me, i lost any semblance of emotional control. I would find myself sobbing when a certain song came on e radio n 've to make up excuses to pple. I was swimming in tar, when e rest of the world, including him, had so seamlessly moved on.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 12:47 AM

Saturday, April 25, 2009

"I would rather trust a woman's instinct then a man's reason."

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 11:41 PM

I hope u die early.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 9:08 AM

Friday, April 24, 2009

I don't think my mastery of the subject is not there. I felt I was judged in that way because she and I had different approaches in teaching the topic. I had put in effort and I am sure the students enjoyed my teaching, although they appeared very quiet in class (this is their nature). I am disappointed that I might have been assessed based on her desired pedagogy and also as a basis for comparison. Nevertheless, I must admit I have the love for Geography and it may reflect on me as someone who could excel better in it. I would definitely work extra harder to prove myself in SS.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:55 PM

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Love stories... a portrayal of the unreal.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 10:38 PM

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Men's greatest weakness? Lust.

I have been seeing too many men who are just after sex. I despise them.

They create a bad name for all men. I hate them all.

Leave me alone.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 4:16 PM

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

He came today. They chatted a little. I'm still observing. Looking out for ulterior motives. Could it be true of what I said to Neil today... "By the time I finish scrutinizing, he would be gone..."

Haha, whatever. I dun stand to lose anything, never again.