Thursday, May 28, 2009

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

I have found mine. Took me almost a year to realise that hope still exists somewhere in this world. Just so simple, I thought. He is someone who appeared to be mysterious, searching for me high and low. Till we found each other, he is still the one who I feel I could entrust myself to. I thought I would never meet a man who will not turn me off with annoying behaviour and attitude.

"Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves." I think he knows and that's how he won me over. :))

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 12:08 PM

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Money never made a man happy. Yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one."

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 1:16 PM

Monday, May 18, 2009

I didn't realise I actually would miss them so much while I was away for course. If I was told in Feb that this were to happen, I would laugh to death.

It is somewhat a sweet feeling. I am just so happy when I see them online, argue childishly over trivial issues... it brings a smile on my face. I can talk to them about anything under the sun, from 'gossiping' about this particular person to discussing why girls are more vain than boys. Although it seems unadvisable for me as a teacher to do that but I think I have juggled the teacher-student divide well. What's more important is, I'm able to teach and engage the students in class.

They never fail to brighten up my mood. There was once I tried to be really serious in conducting a revision lesson as the mid year exam was just round the corner. I was getting a little hot tempered when the class started to get slightly noisy. I drew 3 diagrams on the board to signify 3 cartoon spaces and I guessed my art really sucked such that Bryan asked me why I drew Spongebob on the board. Oh well, the stern look which I tried to sustain throughout the lesson finally broke into a laughter. The students laughed with me, knowing that they had succeeded in cheering me up.

My heart melted when Yono apologised to me after the paper. He said sorry if he should disappoint me this time. Oh well why should I when he is always one of those who works extra hard?Although I know some of them would not do well for my subjects this time round, I dun seem to feel angry (but maybe more of disappointment). I know all of them have put in their effort.

Last night, they told me that I am a "nice" teacher. A simple adjective like this reflects a lot. It's heartwarming to know that they are touched that I always put them in one of my top priorities. I feel appreciated. They understand that being a teacher is not easy. Tears rolled when they told me that I make a difference to them and they thanked me for my patience. They said that I have done well as their teacher, although they could be too young to assess that. They were simply saying that from the basis of whether they understood and enjoyed my lesson or not. With their encouragement, I feel I have not wasted my time on them. In fact, I have found a meaning in them.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 9:36 PM

My list o dates keep increasing, but there are people being crossed out once in a while. I'm not seeking a relationship, but a companionship to kill time, unless this person is able to touch my heart, which I doubt it will be an easy task. If i'm not happy when I'm with you, then there's no point in keeping contact. Once you are out, you Are out. I guess my tolerance level has increased, but if you are able to beat that threshold again and again, then I salute you for being so irritably persistent.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:39 AM

Sunday, May 17, 2009

It's impossible between both of us. Dun look me up again. We are Juz like the like poles of 2 magnets. We don't attract. You know it, y waste time?

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:59 AM

Friday, May 15, 2009

I felt lost. It's like something precious has been taken away from me. How should I put it such that I'll be able to express myself effectively? Would you believe that it's the first time I am taking things so personally. I can't believe that it's happening to me.
Everything has changed now. I can't explain the reason behind this change. Can I relive my dream? For that special group of people, I've spent countless hours teach, teach and re-teach, just to make sure they understood. I know my opportunities will come again but I don't seem to feel I'll be as committed and enthusiastic by the time they arrive.
I like the way they ask me questions. I like the way they are so concerned w their studies. I like the way we hit off so fast. Maybe all started when I saw them last year. They seem to have this unexplanable spirit in them that causes me to have the urge to protect, guide and educate them.

Sad.

Miserable.

Defeated.

WHY MUST YOU TAKE 3E1 AWAY FROM ME? THEY ARE MINE!!! BLOODY HELL. RETURN ME MY CLASS. THOSE HORRIBLE CLASSES. DUN GIVE ME THE DAMN EXCUSE THAT THEY NEED ME TO IMPROVE! WHAT THE HELL!!!

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 1:50 PM

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

My fearsome aura of professionalism subsides when he appeared. He sat down near to me, flashing back a smile at me when I did so. That was it. I continued with what I was supposed to be doing.
These short periods of gleam happen almost everyday. His innocent charm caught me, be it on a personal or work level. Oh, what the hell has happened..
To think that I only have less than 2 years of time left, sadness struck. To imagine that this time could be left with just 3 days, depression sinks in. Haha.
I got to do something.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 7:17 PM

Monday, May 04, 2009

I opened the door and saw him lying face down on the floor. If it were to happen in the past, I would hurry to help him up, ensuring that he be lying comfortably on the bed.

Now I looked at him coldly, having second thoughts on whether I should keep him by my side. So there he laid, for 2 hours, before I finally carried him onto the bed. He could have been dead by now. Now as I am blogging, he is next to me. He hasn't changed after 2 years. He is still holding that heart for me, but what's left seems to be an empty promise. His soiled clothing signifies the past we shared, stained.

I could foresee the day I will let go of him. Would he forgive me? Maybe.

It's time to get a new teddy bear.

I really want a Smurf.

Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 8:34 PM

One who has brought hurt upon others doesn't deserve to be spared from misery. He has no privilege of rights in pointing his fingers at others n calling them sickos. U yourself is the biggest ultimate sicko i've known.