My yesterday was a nightmare. It lasted almost 1 year and a half. I recalled about 4 months before that fateful day, he said that he wanted to go out and have a fun night with his buddies. He came home slightly drunk, saw me asleep and took my handphone into the shower. He didn't know I was looking, in the dark. I chased after him to the shower room and demanded he returned my handphone to me immediately but he still got the cheek to say he didn't take. It straightaway struck me that he must have sent some sweet messages to me by mistake, which he actually meant for a girl he just met at the club. Afraid that I might look, he took my handphone to the shower and deleted it. When I went on to check his handphone, it was locked, needing a password to access. He never had that.

That night onwards, I sensed a change in him. He was more after fun and sure enough, we broke up in June last year. The reason? He wanted to be alone, but God helped me in discovering that 2 movie tickets and condom in his room. He betrayed my feelings and caused pain in me that lasts till today.

Should I say the relationship then was so stable that he longed for freedom from boredom?

Today, day to day, I am hit by depression. I am finding a space in this world to live.

As time progressed, I witnessed the breaking up of couples. They happened because they had found someone prettier, sexier, and more fun-loving.

My cousin broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years to marry this richer woman shortly after they got together. I didn't attend his wedding or I would puke at the slut bride.

Another cousin of mine filed for a divorce with his wife even though she had already given him 2 beautiful daughters, who were young schooling children already. He prefers a China woman who is able to stroke his ego and suck his money. I cursed and swore at him during Chinese New Year this year. I must be out of my mind.

A friend of mine recently found her husband stuck in the toilet with his handphone for a long time, and sometimes in the middle of the night. Although she has yet to pursue, I anticipate something negative.

True love should never die but it is lust that cause it to fade away. Looking at all these happening around me, I feel myself succumbing to despair.

Not long ago, I saw something fishy. I would wake up in the wee hours to find my brother standing in the living room or outside his bedroom sms-ing. In the day, he would peep to see if my sister-in-law was looking and if not, he would check his handphone for messages. All these were caught by me and he didn't realise what was going on in my mind. No one would. To them, I am just like a zombie at home who couldn't be bothered with what's happening at home. This morning, I hid under my blanket in fear as I listened to their quarrel. He only returned home at dawn just now and tried to explain he was busy with work. As much as I want to believe his words, I can't help but to think men are incorrigible creatures who cannot resist temptations. He didn't give a single sms or call to inform that he would not be back the whole night. I am scared, scared that such a thing is happening to my family, and worse, the culprit is my respected brother. However, he is still a man, a species which I hope to slaughter if I am a slayer. I keep thinking that he had spent the night with the woman, leaving his wife serving and taking care of his daughter at home.

I am breaking apart. Love should bond for a lifetime but lust just tyrannizes over it. Never believe what a man could promise under the sun, by the sea, in front of Jesus, facing the solemnizer. Action can speak louder than words but they are done to demean the woman. Never be taken in by what a man can do to touch your mind, heart and soul (they only want to touch your body).