Saturday, October 24, 2009
I need a break sometimes. At work, I'm bombarded with questions, from students and colleagues. After work, I'm thrown with questions again. "What are you doing now?", "Have you finished your busy work?", "Done with your marking?", etc. Please, I don't need another supervisor. Effective communication does not involve only question marks. There are full stops too. I'm getting irritated.
This week may be the quietest week for me. The evenings for me have been peaceful, because home is where I found my 'secluded' corner do my necessary reflection. This week marks the beginning of the baby steps I'm taking into my cave. Even though my career gives me energy, it gets drained whenever I meet a leech. It's time to recharge my spiritual batteries, so I'm not going to push myself to perform for the next couple of days, except to write that dreadful work review form.
I'm enjoying the activities that help me reconnect with my spirit tonight. Sleep, dream and reflection. I have spent time restoring your soul today, especially when I have felt edgy or vaguely fearful these days. I must take time out to review the events of the past month and learn from them; this is the time to begin that process. I'm enjoying a gentle pace so I'm avoiding the hustle and bustle of public places. I'm going to turn in early tonight to allow plenty of time for dreaming.
Good night.
Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 10:53 PM
Friday, October 23, 2009
Feeling relieved from the huge marking load, I was simply just glad that Friday is here. I should be excited as I approached the Pizza Hut for what I thought could be a spiritually rewarding dinner, but the tire in me had brought me to a state whereby nothing could bring my enthusiasm to a higher level. I have been there three times this year already and after each visit, I seemed to have subconsciously promised not to go there again. The food was good though I felt sometimes the company matters. However, what really broke my nerves was despite paying a considerable amount, I did not have the pleasure to eat in a cool ambience for the waiters or waitresses were one of the worst we have met.
It was like the straw that breaks the camel's back. He did not bring me a glass of warm water but kept serving teas which were ordered by other customers and who came later than me. To add on, I had someone with me who could not stop his nonsensical questions and claimed he knew everything very arrogantly.
The waiteress wrote the order and assured me that the order would arrive in 20 minutes, just like the last time I visited. Also just like the last time, the food only came more than 20 minutes later. Worse, someone tried to make a mess of my eating experience by asking if I wanted to try this food or that. I had to be very patient and calm. The only way to do it was to keep quiet and I am still trying to achieve my 'all silent' state, similar to how I behaved at home.
All of a sudden he would interrupt my 'private conversation' with my brain cells and try to converse with me in an uninteresting way. To make everything more unpleasant, the bill took about 15 minutes to be settled. They were 'amazing'.
At another table near us, the customer was very dissatisfied with the slow service that he raised his voice at the manager. I watched in shock, not at how the man was blatant in his attitude but how the manager reacted when confronted. He stood in a relaxed manner and his expressions were not apologetic at all.
I left frustrated, angry and very very unhappy.
Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 9:28 PM
Monday, October 19, 2009
I have not updated my blog for so long that I forget at times that I still have this channel to pour my unhappiness to.
I think my world is so dark. When will I ever see daylight again?
I love myself but I don't love her enough that I am willing to refrain from doing something that upset her even further.
I don't know where my future will lead me to. I cannot imagine myself settling down. The more Emo I get, the more I think that is impossible. The only rational thought I have for now is that I must be suffering from depression, again.
My heart still aches. If God is there to listen, He should know what torment I am going through. However, there is something I am more sure. He does not pity me. I am disappointed with myself for landing in this state once again.
Fool. Fooled.
Don't ask me why. Don't force me. Don't push me to the limits. Let me be and I'll be free.
Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 9:01 PM
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
我已经已经把我伤口化作玫瑰我的泪水已经变成雨水早已轮回我已经已经把对白留成了永远忘了天色究竟是黑是灰
分手伤了谁谁把他变美我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓让你再回味字不醉人人自醉因为回忆总是美
我已经已经把绝情变成了恭维因为不配你就忽然自卑说声失陪我已经已经把沉默变成了忏悔无路可退只能无言以对
分手伤了谁谁把他变美我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓让你在回味字不醉人人自醉因为回忆总是美
分手伤了谁谁把他变美我的眼泪写成了诗已是无所谓让你再回味字不醉人人自醉你的品位总是美
Posted by Buzz and Mulan at 7:24 PM